Letter to you

Cand fulgii de zapada imi cad usor pe tample simt cum sufletul imi ingheata in lipsa ta. Nu mai stiu cand a fost ultima oara cand te’am tinut strans in brate, cand ti’am sarutat obrazul cald. Am uitat mirosul de vanilie al parului tau si atingerea fina a mainii tale. Tanjesc sa imi amintesc clipele de extaz cand ne imbatam cu roua diminetii si cand noaptea ne prindea fugari prin ploile reci de toamna, cand frunzele ne imbracau in culori de tristete si cand ne pictam cu umbre de speranta.

Nu vreau sa ma mai tem ca te voi pierde, nu vreau sa ma mai simt atat de goala pe dinauntru… nu vreau sa uit ca noi am existat vreodata… nu vreau! Stiu ca inima ta e inca la mine. Stiu ca te intrebi daca sunt clipe in care visez la ce a fost. Visez, doresc traiesc din amintire si trecut, ma pierd in emotii care au apus si alerg fara tinta. Alerg spre ceva ce nu mai este, spre ceva ce se topeste in neant, spre ceva ce imi intuneca trairile… alerg spre nefiinta, spre moartea unui suflet care probabil a iubit candva prea mult… te’a iubit pe tine…

still alive

oh my God! it has been a while ... well this is only to assure I am not gone :). pretty busy lately and had no time to post anything. I created a deviantart account and I am working to get it going but I'll be back to posting have no fear :)
see ya'll soon :)

casa mea... acasa...

este locul in care ma intorc sa imi ling ranile cand lumea ma loveste. este locul in care ma refugiez cand ma tem ca nu pot sa merg mai departe. este locul in care cresc, infloresc. acolo ma formez, acolo cad si acolo ma ridic. acolo sunt cea mai importanta si acolo nimeni nu ma poate atinge. acolo sunt... acasa!
de acest "acasa" mi se leaga cele mai multe amintiri! primul sarut in capatul strazii, prima emotie a descoperirii dragostei in fata portii, prima barfa a vecinilor, prima cearta serioasa cu mama, primul prieten, prima si cea mai buna prietena de o viata la trei porti mai jos, primele clipe de disperare si teama la divortul parintilor, prima experienta a mortii, cand bunica mea s'a stins, prima fuga de acasa pe ascuns la discoteca, primul catelus crescut si educat de mine...
si ma intorc mereu... mereu... acasa...

noi suntem romani, noi suntem aici pe veci stapani (din pacate)

postul de azi va fi in romana. de ce in romana? pentru ca pur si simplu vorbeste despre ceva tipic romanesc si ar suna cat se poate de tampit sa fie in engleza. in afara faptului ca ar fi ofensator pentru celelalte tari civilizate vorbitoare de limbi de circulatie internationala, afisarea unui post pe tema asta in limba engleza ar diminua, (cel putin in mintea'mi creatza) efectul tragico-penibil al situatiei. asadar...
ca tot contribuabilul manat de efectul de turma de a merge la cumparaturi in weekend (ca deh atunci are lumea timp :P) am pornit cu dedicare la cumparaturi (evident intr'un hypermarket, ca acolo e mai ieftin -bullshit- si oferta e mai variata -bullshit again-). pentru ca e ceva de mers de la mine pana la ei si pentru ca nu sunt eu cea mai proactiva persoana am zis: pai da! lasa ca ma duc cu autobuzul... Da' de unde?! autobuzul ar fi circulat el, dragul mamii, dar mama zmeului stie la ce ora! de ce? pentru ca scumpii concetateni, dragi si respectabili romani, platitori sau nu de taxe (cel mai probabil nu) au fost in stare sa dezlipeasca afisul (sau that wannabe afis) cu orarul in care circula autobuzele. pai si pentru ce mama focului ar dezlipi cineva afisul ala?!?! ma intreb si eu ca tot prostul... nu de alta dar m'am tot gandit si eu cum sa fac rost de orarul ala... ce e drept eu ma gandeam sa fac o poza si sa o trec in calculator dar se pare ca cineva a fost mai rapid... si mai eficient?! nu! nu cred ca pot sa spun eficient... sau poate da? adevarul este ca nu cred ca in alta parte as fi avut de pus intrebarea asta pentru simplul fapt ca in alte parti spiritul comunitar si bunul simt elementar sunt daca nu prioritare macar bine intiparite in mintea cetatenilor si in momente din astea ii impiedica ( sau asa imi place mie sa cred) sa faca o faza de genul celei de care am povestit...
concluzie: BULEVARDUL MIHAI VITEAZU STATIA DE VIS-A-VIS DE BISERICA = NO SCHEDULE PENTRU MERSUL AUTOBUZELOR ... dar pana la urma de ce ma mai agit, din moment ce si cu orar tot intarzie autobuzele cate 20 de minute, si asta mereu in zilele in care esti in intarziere. e o conspiratie in colaborare cu legile lui murphy si sistemul ma saboteaza sa nu ajung la munca... sau poate nu... sau poate numai caut scuze... nu, nu cred... de fapt de vina e tot sistemul si toti care suntem in el romani de la al mai mare la al mai mic...

PS persoanele de fata se exclud :)

what goes up... most of the time goes way down...

I cannot remember the last time I felt truly amazed by something or someone. no doubt there were amazing moments in my life and no doubt I met beautiful and interesting people along the way... but right now I feel empty in a weird way that is unfamiliar. I felt empty loads of times but I always thought that it was some transitory feeling of regret and unfulfilied. yeah well... this time is different... I feel like I've been drinking all night and now I am recovering from terrible hangover. it's just that the drink was ecstatic, unexplained joy I felt yesterday and the hangover is the confusion and lack of energy, closely followed by mere depression I encounter today...
I bet everyone felt like this at least one time... the question for today is: how does one get out of this state of mind... I mean does one?!

:)

hi hi!!! ha ha!! happy day!

?

have you ever quit something before actually starting it? well I did. and it felt amazingly awesome!! I felt a rush of excitement running through my veins and I felt free... I felt like I am free from the rat race before starting to ever lasting run, before i got caught up in this chase for money and continuous borrowing of bits and pieces of time...
I worked only for five days. five! I am glad I am free... for now... but I hate the fact that I have to run back to the quest of getting a job... sadly one cannot survive other way today...
so here I am enjoying the moments of freedom like an escaped convict who sees the cops approaching. and they are getting closer... closer... closer...

bloody tyrant TIme...

today I wanna talk about time... how much we have, how much we spend, how much we need and how much we lose. I assume each of us used the cliche at least once: "ow I don't have time for that". the idioms regarding time are so numerous I could easily particuarize ten just out of what I can remember... think of "I have all the time in the world" or "I don't have much time left"; or "I have to buy more time". we went so far with this time obsession that we created expressions that imply buying time. time is a concept! we all know that. but if it is a concept, which obviously should only stand for something, why are we so connected to it? why can't we simply use it as a concept? why do we actually say and believe when we think "ow I did not have time"... to do this or that? I believe it is a matter of choice. you want to have time for something you'll give yourself that time. if you don't want that you'll blame it on the lack of time, which is rather a good excuse because everyone does that and supposedly you are fully understood if you were caught in something big that ate most of yur time. so we are dealing with a vicious circle of time consumers, time borrowers, wasters or buyers. slaves of this bloody tyrant Time (as Shakespeare said; this is my fave catch phrase from all the shakespearian writings by the way :)). nowadays people are caught in a time market. we should start selling time shares at the stock market. I am sure their value will never decrease!
so I am asking you people out there: is time what we need or is it us wanting to really do some things... or not wanting to do them? we did not meet our family because we had no time or because we thought it was not that important and that meeting the ones we hold dear can wait and the job project has to come first? eventually I believe it is about the way you set your priorities. if we know what we want we will do all the things possible to get that and this includes using our time effectively. and when that happends we won't need to use all the phrases about the lack of time because they will become simply ridiculous...

I am romanian... it's in my genes!

there is a huge animosity in the past couple of days going on between my country and Italy. the reason? some roma people supposedly raped and robbed an italian citizen. so far so good. well not that good but at least is clear. problem arises when we find out that the roma man was actually a romanian citizen. now, is a well known fact, at least in Europe, that romanian citizens have been working abroad for some time now, and there are contries that actually ask romanian qualified workers to come and work legally. now, here is the big bug! as long as they have the lame romanians going there to work on wages lower than half of the minimum wage paid in the respective countries, everything is perfect. the romanian guy/gal busts his/her ass to earn almost nothing (if we consider the quality of life there) and when some f****d up gipsy hits the quiet and safe image of a country's society, and it happens he is a romanian citizen, everyone in and outside Romania has to feel ashamed!!
I am tired of being labeled all the time. there were moments in which I felt ashamed to admit I was romanian. why? because I do not have the balls to stand up and say: Yes I am romanian and I am proud! I am proud because thanks to us Gates' Microsoft developed unbelievebly. I am proud that ROMANIAN mathematicians are literally "hunted" since still in university by the great international corporations. I am proud to be part of a nation that gave more "brains" to the world than any other european country.
and yet, how i wish i would be able to scream that out loud... but I can't. I can't because when a woman is raped in her own country by some filthy foreigner, i feel like I would kill him myself. and in these times all the great things we do just seem evanescent next to the bad things. I guess is in our nature to forget about the good things completely when something bad comes along...
it is sad how an entire people is regarded as such, just because of one person. it is sad how romanians have invaded Europe (and I am talking here about the lower class of romanian society, who went there to steal, rape, beg or do all kind of illegal things), it is sad Europe is using romanians, but the moment something goes wrong everyone is sent back home! it is sad that as long as we were needed for cheap labor everyone closed their eyes and made full use of the situation. it is sad that now we have to deal again with all the losers. Romania was finally becoming a european country at its full rights. now, we are pushed back! first by our filthy comrades, who instead of making us look good there, stained the face of the country big time; second by the paranoid countries that finally found a perfect pretext to sent us all back home (now that they do not need us anymore); third by our elites, who disregard us and praise the West, because they have no financial opportunity to use their capacities in their Vaterland.
I am so dissapointed! I feel sick that some western countries think they are better than us but forget that it is thanks to us they developed so much in the last years! I am sick of feeling looked down on and being regarded like some poor animal that is being given work for pitty. We are proud and intelectual, and if there are some bad romanians out there it does not mean we are all the same! and it does not mean that anyone has any right to label the romanian people... it doesn't mean...

sprichst you magyar? si, bineinteles

today I wanted to talk about a completely different topic. still, because I received two comments already regarding the fact that my blog is in english I thought about laying out a different issue . so today the thing I ask you to consider is languages!
we all know that in the past 10 years english gained a well deserved place as a world wide spoken language. so, to clear things up with everyone out there: this blog is in english because I hope people of other nationalities will read it! having that cleared out I can go on...
so what is the first thing that strikes us when entering a foreign country? except for the view of course. it's the language! and how many times you felt intelectually challenged because you found yourself in the impossibility to communicate? don't you just love it, when that someone else you are talking to speaks a language you can understand? english happens to be that other language for the greatest percent of the world's population. you'll hear it in Europe, Asia, Africa, Astralia, Northern America and sometimes in Latin America as well.
most people, at least in my country, think that if you abuse of the use of english, you are being snobbish. so not true! when you have to deal with so many english speakers you find yourself incapable to think in your native language at a certain point. of course it would be dumb and full of bad taste thing, to address to someone you know doesn't speak the language in english, but if you talk to people who do speak it, why bother? why not practicing, huh?
besides, this is not about english. this is about any other language one speaks as a foreign language except for his mother tongue. it makes things easier for people as communicators. my opinion is that everyone should set a goal as to study one more foreign language. could be any language. and it would be even better if it would be something different than english. why? because there is this big tendency, as I said in the begining, to use english as a world wide language. this will lead eventually to globalization at a linguistic level. it is a good thing as long as it does not 'kill' the other languages. each country has its own culture and this culture is partly expressed by language. I think one country's individuality should be preserved but at the same time we should be able to communicate with any person from another country without any problems. and if english gained this status, what the heck? Let's speak it ladies and gentlemen from all over the world! gute nacht! buona notte! jo estet! buenas noches! noapte buna!(and that sums up the languages I speak :P)

beautiful (or not that beautiful) stranger

I woke up this morning thinking 'this is gonna be my day'. and it is likely it will. but that is not what I want to talk about. today's topic is 'looks'. how many movies about 're-inventing look' have you seen? remeber 'ugly betty', or 'the shape of things' or so many weekly tv shows about how to ghange your style and appearance. what is wrong with that, you will probably ask. well... nothing! actually, at a closer look everything is wrong!
I have never been considered the pretty one. during highschool I was always regarded as the funny one. it did not matter that much at the time and probably I did not realize it mattered that much afterwards either, but somehow it made me dislike very pretty women. (of course it doesn't apply to men beacuse God knows I love beautiful men). ok. so where lies my problem? it is all in the attitude. have you realized that dealing with a pretty person seems so much easier that dealing with someone not that pretty? have you ever felt discriminated against because someone you felt was prettier that u? well I have. and this is not about being pretty or not. this is not about whether to like or not pretty people, as it is not about to hate or not ugly people. this is about seeing people as humans not as barbie dolls (or kens). so why, when you apply for a job you have to cut your hair, or do your make-up and so on and so forth? noone will care, when you work in shifts at 3 am behind some stinky office, noone will care how you look. but goddamn if you do not look impecable at first sight!
being clean and neat has nothing to do with being pretty. beauty is a gift or a curse (depends on how you look at it), some have it, some don't; some are happy to have it, some crave to have it and few are delighted they do not have to put up with the burden of it. because believe me: being beautiful is a burden!
and yet we are in some kind of quest to be surrounded by beautiful people... has anyone ever even tried to give a chance from the beginning to someone not that pretty? of course most of us have employees, or people around us who are not the beauties of the world, but honestly, haven't you ever considered that if those around you were cuter things would have probably been just a little bit different? like 'ow the waitress that works in my motel, well she is fat and her pants look like buckets; I bet that if she would loose some of that weight and dress in a skirt, put some makeup on, she would have a lot more customers...' each of us has thought similar things at one point is our lives...
so my final pledge is... think about how you would like to be treated! people are people before it all. we all have feelings, pretty or not, trashy or slumpy, neat or well dressed, with or without makeup. but above all remember that beauty comes and goes! it's the inner beauty and the qualities of a person that last to the end...

it is slightly awkward I began writing my blog with the topic regarding the US President. it is just an opinion I had after watching a couple of documentaries. I do believe that most of you people out there share my beliefs... or at least parts of them and I am curious of what others think and this is one of the main reasons I chose to start doing this, ... probably a bit later than I should have. on the other hand this is an introductory text and I will try to post a debate topic every day, so I guess that until tomorrow is "nighty night" boys and gals!

to Bush or not to Bush? that is the question

Today I finally finished watching Zeitgeist and the Illuminati. Zeitgeist is a documentary that talks mostly about the stupidity of mankind and the easy way in which it can be manipulated starting way back with the creation of the church as an institution. The story goes on up to present days laying on table another issue. Now this issue appears in both documentaries. Those of you who saw the films will probably know what I am talking about. For those who didn’t, the aspect I want to put on paper is the omnipresence of USA president George W Bush jr. Thing is, in none of the documentaries the President is appreciated as a good character. Now, the question that naturally arises is, why?

Why an entire nation hates its president? Why nothing has been done so far? And who controls the world politics? Both documentaries will say George W Bush! But isn’t it somehow awkward that he has lasted this long in such a high rank position in spite of everyone and everything? If he alone was the mastermind behind the War in Irak, the one who thought about all the pretexts to interfere in other countries’ internal affairs, how come, if everyone knows that, no one fought back? Personally I believe this goes far more deep than G W Bush. Illuminati writers say that it goes back to the roots of all world leaders, who, they say, are part of the Masonic Lodge, that is split in few smaller secret societies such as ‘Skull & Bones’ (this would be the one Bush family has always been part of) or ‘The brotherhood of Death’ or others.

Personally, I think this is all bull crap. Do not get me wrong! I do believe that someone is f***ing with the world politics but I do not think that these societies are a mixture of devil worshipers, but few very rich men who decided that they could own the world just by controlling it economically. Eventually, as the documentaries say as well, it is all about the money. My problem regards the way everything is presented. Secret societies have existed since the early beginnings of the history we know today. Some of them lasted as far as nowadays, some died along the way. Being paranoid about the fact we are all ruled by some funky secret society is just as dumb as believing that God is the one who rules the planet. The only real thing, at least as far as I am concerned, is that the only ones who rule are the people. I admit there might be a God out there but so far no one came back to tell us, and it is very possible that members of the Secret societies rule the world, but everything is supposition. And if the societies are secret, how come we found out about them? How come they can present initiation ceremonies and ‘genuine’ footage, if they are secret?!?!?

How can we know who was member of what society? I mean do u really think that they would be that idiot as to let us know these things; if their ultimate plan would fail? I don’t think so… so my next question is: what if in fact someone else is doing all the shit and Bush is just a puppet? What if, admitting Bush is a member of such a society, he lost track at some point and is no longer useful to the cause of the group and has to be put out?!?! What if all the stuff we see nowadays is created to mislead us? What if the manipulation that is so much talked about is just a fake? I mean what if they are manipulating the manipulation?! And what if all these secrets revealed to us by these documentaries are in fact ordered by the Masonic secret societies. If that were true, how do we know that this is not a lie as well?

I think that there are people who were born to rule and there are people who were born to be ruled. Whether we are ruled or we rule is a matter of perspective. Personally I believe I am ruling my own life. We are all bound to a codex of laws but we do not bow to a certain person and definitely not to Bush. If Irak chose to fight the war is because they had a ‘personal’ gain from it too. And let us remember who supplied Irak with weapons, money and political void? Surely the United States… I cannot believe that what is happening in the world right now is due to one man. There’s a saying that says ‘it takes two to tango’ and I believe it can be applied in all directions. Bottom line is: I do not support Bush’s policy, I do not deny his possible belong with the Masonic Lodge (that is very likely; we all know that only the very wealthy ones can be members as they pledge to donate all their wealth to the society), I just think we should give all this a different perspective. And I do not believe that Bush is the first man in the world! He might look like he’s got the power but I m sure someone else has the brain!